OT: Sexist humor

Subject:PERFECT DAY

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses 8:30 Weigh in 2 pounds lighter than yesterday 8:45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents, expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner 9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil 10:30 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer 11:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry 12:30 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe 12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice she has gained 17 pounds 1:15 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit 3:00 Nap 4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer 4:15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body 5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade be! fore full length mirror 7:00 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers 10:00 Hot shower (alone) 10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen) 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling 11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM

6:00 Alarm 6:15 Blow job 6:30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section 7:00 Breakfast: steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by semi-naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler 7:30 Limo arrives 7:45 Several beers en-route to airport 8:30 Flight in personal Lear Jet 9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route) 9:45 Play front nine - 2 under 11:45 Lunch: steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon 12:15 Blow job 12:30 Play back nine - 4 under 2:15 Limo back to the airport (several bourbons) 2:30 Fly to Bahamas--nap en-route 3:30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers 4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle 500 Fly home, massage, and hand job by nak! ed Elle McPherson (bending over, naturally). 6:45 Shit, Shower and Shave 7:00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated 7:30 Dinner: lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy filet steak followed by ice-cream served on a big pair of tits 9:00 Napoleon Brandy and Havana cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch football game 9:30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies...some bending over) 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer 11:30 A night cap blow job 11:45 In bed alone 11:50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room 11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep